So, my name is Katie, obviously. I'm 19 years old, and sometimes I really have to stop myself to double check when people ask. I'm happily married, and have been since December 7, 2013 to Mr. Trent Smith. When I said 'I Do' to him I also said it to his daughter, Emmalyn, who has blessed and changed my life in more ways imaginable, especially beings she isn't even my daughter.
Trent and I met in February of 2013, I know what you're all thinking, and he instantly fell in love with me. With me just getting out of what I thought was a great relationship I wasn't quite ready to trust again, and I was just merely interested in being friends, he was very lucky I even wanted to be his friend; that's how mentally hurt I was. We started dating not long after we met though, I couldn't resist him, he was so charming and handsome, god was he perfect. I was on and off the pill, and when I mean on and off I mean that I was supposed to take it but I always forgot, literally ALWAYS.
And here goes the interesting part.
With my period being as crazy as possible, for as long as I can remember I had to make sure to keep my PINK PAD app on my phone very handy. I never had one at the same time every month, my period just came and went as it pleased. Trent was a firm believer in not practicing safe sex, and me...well I just didn't care, I was love struck.
Eventually things got really serious for he and I, we got engaged only 2 days after his daughter turned 2 and a week before our birthday, September is a very popular month for us. Right before we got married we talked about trying to have a baby and how bad we wanted one, how much we knew it was going to take a while to conceive because the chances of it happening on the first month were very slim, but boy oh boy we never expected what we deal with now. So we proceeded to try for a Baby Smith. I remember sitting in the bedroom with him sometime in January of 2014 and i was going through my PINK PAD app and I was like Trent.... we have been having unprotected sex since June of 2013 and since then we have always had sex right before I ovulated, where is our baby? this is where the ugly got really ugly.
I decided it was time to see a doctor, it had almost been a year since we were TTC and still no baby, in the back of my head I was like man I got this, but at the same time I was screaming "SOMEONE HELP ME!" We made it to our year mark of trying and things got intense, I was scared, we were in and out of the doctors office about 2 times a month, I was being put on and off of hormone medications. About 3 ultrasounds, 2 papsmeers, 3 biopsies, numerous blood drawings, and about 5 infertility books later...still no baby. Things were depressing, they still are, anyone dealing with infertility can agree with me, and the worst part is that my "amazing" doctor would just tell me, maybe it isn't your time, come back in three months. LIKE NO! That is not what you need to tell me, you need to tell me what I NEED to do, you need to run test, just do something besides to come back in 3 months. I was scared, worried, stressing, and my relationship with Trent was going downhill so fast because I was so focused on having a baby and sex became a job for us, I was working 2 jobs to make ends meet and we never saw each other due to him working nights at the local machine shop.
We decided to relocate and I came back in contact with my previous doctor and man oh man was that the best decision we ever made. I took one visit in his office, he looked at me and told me what we needed to do. I had already made me decision that i wanted to go ahead with what he wanted but he demanded that I go home and talk with Trent and come back in 2 weeks! I called him before I even got back home and he said "do it baby, let's do it!" I went back in 2 weeks and scheduled my very first LAPAROSCOPY! and some other procedure I don't even know the name of. I remember wishing he would find something wrong with my fallopian tubes, I was wishing that they were blocked so he could unblock them and I would then be able to know that it was the cause of my infertility, so I could find the problem on the first test and not have to worry about spending thousands of more dollars on treatments.
When they layed me on the operating table the last thing I heard was okay one more big breath, I was out. Blackness surrounded me. When I woke up, to my right was a little baby, everything was blurry and I couldn't make out what he/she looked like I was just so amazed that it was the first thing I saw when I woke up. it made me happy, I remember wanting to ask the nurse if I could hold it, y'all I am obsessed with babies. When they finally wheeled me back into my room, my mom said "the doctor came and talked to me while you were recovering, you have endometriosis, it was mild, he said he has seen worse, but they got rid of it. He also said that in about a year it will most likely come back" I was speechless, I didn't know what to think, I just knew that now i could finally have kids and god answered my prayers. I was mistaken. Endometriosis is not what I thought it was, I was clueless to everything about it. I was so worried about him finding something wrong I wasn't even focusing on my own health. How greedy of me to just want a baby so bad that I would pray to sacrifice my own well being?
I've done lots of research on endometriosis these past few days, my surgery was 2 days ago, and I've learned some very interesting things. I've had many women talk to me about how they had the same struggle as me and they got pregnant 2-3 months later and then they shared the bad news about how it continues to come back and they undergo surgery multiple times. I think what depresses me so much is that I feel sick, I feel weak, I feel like no one is here for me, no one understands and no one gets it. I just want my Baby Smith so bad that I prayed for bad things for me and I got them. I don't want to have to rush having babies back to back so I can just have a hysterectomy right after and not worry about my endo, I want to be able to have time for each of my babies, one at a time, I want it to be fun and surprising, not about a big plan. but then again, isn't that what infertility is all about
one big plan